Upgrading our Self-Talk to Empower Positive Change

Have you ever thought about your own self-talk? What words are you using to describe various emotions you're feeling or behaviors you're expressing? Take a minute to think back to a time when you were feeling angry, or lonely, or depressed. Think back to a time when you behaved in a way you didn't like. Did you use "I am angry...I am an idiot...I am depressed," statements without even thinking twice about it?

Reality is, when we use "I am" to describe how we are feeling or behaving, we end up labeling our character instead of our behavior or emotion. The danger of labeling our character is our bodies and minds are quick to latch onto them, causing them to stick in ways that define who we are. If we define our character with emotions or behaviors, we may find it challenging to move beyond these limiting beliefs and ultimately we remain stuck in a state of dis-ease.

However, by changing "I am" to "I feel," the emotions begin to naturally process through our bodies and minds, allowing them to teach us without becoming perceived character flaws. Even using "I feel" statements for positive emotions can help us understand the temporary nature of our feelings, enabling us to work with them wisely and recognize that we are much more than our fleeting emotions. The same goes for behaviors. If we behaved poorly, there's a capacity to upgrade our behavior. Recognizing our emotions and behaviors is the gateway to changing our ways.

As we embark on this inner self-talk transformation, we will naturally upgrade our ability to communicate feelings, wants, and needs in healthy and empowering ways while avoiding inadvertently labeling ourselves or others with character flaws which erode the capacity to support and empower one another. The more we can appropriately label our feelings and behaviors, acknowledge their presence, and seek the lessons underneath why we are doing what we are doing or feeling how we are feeling, then we can begin to uncover the underlying unmet need, the core value that is being violated, or the enormity of circumstances surrounding us in ways that help bring about awareness and growth. It is through the light of knowledge that we can upgrade and change.

One might wonder, are there times where "I am" statements are appropriate? The answer is: absolutely! We all have a core nature with certain traits that help us live up to our greatest potential. Some of the key traits we all share when we are living our highest truth are courage, curiosity, compassion, clarity, creativity, calmness, patience, playfulness, and persistence. These are the "I am" statements I choose to focus on within my own self-talk as well as when entering into relating with others.

"I am courageous. I am curious. I am creative. I am compassionate. I am playful and calm. I am persistent. I am determined." Take a deep breath or two, then read that again slowly and see if you can feel what happens in your body. What do you notice? Do your muscles relax a bit? Does your heartbeat slow? Does a smile emerge?

It takes practice and effort to upgrade our self-talk. Be patient with yourself. Maybe even laugh a little when you catch yourself using "I am angry...afraid...depressed." Then take the time to purposefully flip it to "I feel," and take a moment to see how your body and mind respond. The more you can feel the difference in your self-talk deep within, the more this new and upgraded language for relating with yourself, your emotions, and your behaviors will take root and be the gateway to breaking free from the chains of limiting beliefs and chart the course for living your best life.

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts, reflections, or comments. Want to partner with a coach who is attuned to listening for and empowering your self-talk as you pursue your wellness goals? Please reach out today!